This august group of gentlemen, heretofore identified as the original members of the Norfolk Culinary Institute, has recently been revealed to be a cadre of international spies. They operated out of a modest cabin in the Doolittle Woods, where they convene several times a year to exchange intelligence—anonymously, they thought. “Gentlemen, my a**! Buccaneers, they were!” commented one resident, identified by her code name, Frida.

The seemingly innocuous photo depicts the operatives, armed and ready, before their final gathering. At left, is John Waller, U.S. Navy officer and KGB spy, holding what appears to be a salad bowl. Subsequent events revealed that it was filled with explosives. The knife-wielding, three-piece-suited man next to Waller needs no introduction. Historians are stumped as to whether it was a Molotov cocktail or a magnifying glass that set off the explosion that resulted the group’s dissolution. The aproned man is believed to be a local farmer who strayed into the group’s midst, along with his pig. At the far right, holding the aforementioned pig, is none other than KGB handler Maxwell Klaumeister.

— Anonymous (un)Reliable Source